Vote Conservative or Brexit Party on 12th December?

Mr Plebgate Deposed!

Plebgate Mitchell

Oh dear, Andrew "Plebgate" Mitchell, could lose his Sutton Coldfield seat to the Brexit Party! All over the Royal Borough, true-blue Tories are in anguish and deciding what to do.  Do they vote for Mitchell and the Tories' deal, chlorinated chicken and private medicine or do they vote for one of  Farage's mates, a No Deal Brexit, chlorinated chicken and private medicine?

Boris Promised to Die in a Ditch

Colonel Singed-John

Colonel Singed-John, a typical Sutton man, told us that "bloody Boris should be dead in a ditch" and that "he should have got in his pre-dug ditch on the stroke of midnight on Halloween and been buried under his flim-flam, waffle and bluster!". We asked the Colonel to confirm who he would vote for on 12th December.  "I'll be voting for the divine Brexit Party, for chlorinated chicken and to close the NHS" he said.

Tory Women are Equal!

Mrs Constance de Pfeffel

For the sake of balance we turned to Mrs Constance de Pfeffel, a typical Sutton woman, and asked her who she'd be voting for on 12th December. She said, "I don't trust any man who hasn't left his wife for a younger version, knows for sure how many children he has or hasn't at least the basis of a good comb-over".

She continued: "these are the issues that are important to me so I'll be voting for the Conservative Party as represented by Andrew Mitchell who is never afraid to call a Pleb a Pleb!"  For the sake of clarification we asked Mrs de Pfeffel where she stood on Leave or Remain.  She told us that "for the sake of all plebs it would be better for us to leave the EU.  Plebs should be allowed to work until they're at least 75 and to die without NHS intervention before or soon after their 75th birthdays".